determination vs doubt

in life, negativity, struggle, and change is inevitable.
and this is where determination and the mind set of a goal comes in.

this weekend, starting at 8 o' clock am on Friday, February 27 to 2 o'clock pm on Saturday, February 28, [along with the interact club at school] i endured a thirty hour famine to raise awareness for world hunger.
famine= no eating.
as in food whatsover.
[including smoothies]

my mom was hesitant in signing the release form,
to allow me to participate in this endeavor.
but with the constant nagging, she finally let me.

negativity.
"you want to die dont you?"
"congratulations, youre an official idiot"
"look at your face"
"thats why youre sick"
constant comments came my way.
it was not coupled with genuine concern or worry,
but rather with the thought that i was filled with foolishness and stupidity.
my grandma saw no purpose in starving for other people.
but it had value and importance to me.
she would always have something to say.
and with her facial expression, she would shake her head in disapproval.

as for my brother.
he was taunting me throughout the whole day with food.
shoving it in my face and leaving snacks in every sight
to see if i would give in and cut my thirty hours short.
but i continued to ignore his efforts

struggle.
on saturday morning, i woke up with a headache.
when i tried to get up from bed,
i automatically felt shaky and gravity kept trying to pull me down.
the room kept on spinning and my sense of balance was nowhere in my reach.
>>*all of this i kept to myself of course.
i found myself with a fever,
with harsh coughs and mixed temperatures of hot and cold.
i tried to cover up the pain,
but it was clearly written across my pale, weak face.
anyone could read in my slow movements, that something was wrong,
but i continued to play if off like i was perfectly fine.

we were at a restaurant at one thirty for a late lunch.
and my grandma, yet again, was trying to get me to eat.
she kept pushing food towards me.
and kept saying that soup doesnt count
and that i only had a couple minutes left, so i might as well start eating,
but i had no intention on "cheating" or giving up,
especially since i made it so far.
i did not care about the pain,
it just pushed me to keep going.

change.
im truly thankful for what i have,
especially compared to those who do not have much.
this is why i did it.
there are those who deal with this pain every day,
and for me to only struggle with it for a mere thirty hours doesnt seem fair at all.
who am i to complain?
who am i to be picky about food?
when there are those who have nothing to pick from.. =T
sitting at that restaurant for half an hour,
with the food waiting to be eaten,
it just didnt seem right.
when 1:59 merged into 2, i found myself with no appetite,
and i just forced myself to eat..
----------------------------------------------------
despite everything, i made it.
i completed the thirty hours.
i surpassed it.
even with all the ill feelings, i, excuse me, we did it.
[proud of all of us]

this is where determination and faith in yourself overpowers any insult, negativity, hunger, and sickness.
its where perseverance pushes any roadblock aside.
and where the will to continue kicks in.
where strength coupled with endurance keeps you going
just keep a firm trust in your potential, for it will surely beat any anyone's doubt
it may sound cliche, but you can honestly do anything you set your mind to.
lesson learned.