Must everything I do be wrong?

Every little effort I make to please you or to make you approve of me seems to go down the drain. No matter what lengths I'm willing to go, there has to be something else you begin to nit pick at. Why must you continue to pay attention to all the wrong that I'm doing? That even with the best intentions or how careful i [/we] may be, there is always some type of fault found in me. You're obviously blinded by my shortcomings. Because apparently I will never be smart enough, not nice, rich, generous enough. Not funny or social enough. There's always something. But sweety, just remember, you're not perfect either. So before you start diving into other people's business and trying to solve our "problems", look in the mirror.

Oh, wait, why am I trying to please you again? Why does your opinion matter? That's because it shouldn't.

But I know it always will.

let bygones be bygones.

so today i was going through a pile of cds, then i came across one that wasn't labeled. I popped it into the cd player and waited anxiously, wondering what melody the timer was counting down to. And there it was. Conor's strumming, singing, "this is the first day of my life". i sat there for a couple moments, as the first couple lines sang by.
this is the first day of my life. it was the cd that you gave me three years ago. the night you gave me the cd, me crying my eyes out, listening to each song in your car to staying up all night finishing our stupid chemistry project flashed before my eyes. i still cannot believe how easily i forgave you. how much i was willing to do in order to make things work, to make things last. what i put myself through in order to. but it wasn't enough. and until now, i do not fully understand, but do at the same time. and i think that i finally came to a point where it doesn't matter to me anymore. accepting that things are better left unsaid.
i sat there, listening. memories flooding back. i must admit, my heart sank a bit. it's been awhile since i've truly thought about our time together. then a slight smirk ran across my face, realizing where i was and where time has taken me. i turned off the engine and walked away.
bitter? i try my best not to be. there's no point in holding a grudge, hate or anger towards this, you, how everything happened, because that would mean that i still care. this is the first day of my life. i just think it's ironic, isn't? this was the only line that i really heard, the only one that i really listened to. i guess i'm content in knowing the past is in the past. that i truly learned from this and i will commit to never letting history repeat itself. and i couldn't ask for more. i'm growing and i've been blessed and continue to be in every way possible.
humbled and reassured that this is where i exactly want to be.
and now, i'm listening to all the songs that were on the cd. yes of course, my brain is picking at certain memories that we shared, but i'm not bothered. i'm just letting mind wander whichever path it wishes to take, but ignoring it at the same time.
"hope you're happy" but only in the sincerest way possible.

i have to learn to accept myself. but that doesn't mean i'm going to stop improving and fighting for what's rightfully mines.

cjgl.

Who ever thought that we would be right here?
That it would even get this far?
All I know is that I am happy right where I am standing
and that I am going to do my best to not mess this up.
"I'm surprised, shocked, happy.. but most of all thankful"

despite everything,

nothing has changed.
i feel the same.
even with everything that has happened,
it has never left.

it sucks when you have no idea to who to turn to.

cant help but think

you never had the intention to, did you?