broken smile

eff.

you can do so much to attempt to amuse yourself.
be it friends, family, books, internet, tv, etc.
you can do so much to have that smile seem brighter,
as if it had a permanent residence on your face
deeply rooted with no intention to move.
but, smiles, arent so permanent.
and lately,
its clearly evident when it comes to my physical features.

despite the clear attempts of it all to be everlasting;
swollen gums, a heavy heart, and a conflicted mind
seems to weigh a trying smile down.
the burden of your past and bittersweet present
just leaves you with an unsettling balance.
a mixture of not knowing what to do
or not being able to realize right from wrong.
youre just paralyzed with the awareness of not being able to do anything
because nothing ever seems to make a difference anymore.
as if every action, every strive for the betterment of all situations, were just in vain, leaving you at square one, if not further away from the starting point.


happy. easy, breezy, beautiful, covergirl.
its all cover up.
for what was lost
to what no longer is in reach
to once was.
make up.
but it could only go so far,
it could only do so much.
make up.
it can cover up the blemishes
the embarrassing birthmarks
or the rather-not-have-questioned scars
it can take place of your loss of color
from your no longer blushing, shy cheeks
but the natural glisten in your eyes are no longer present
nor will they speak words unsaid
youll be left with a made up face,
and a broken smile.
physical. mental. emotional.
happy, yes "happy"
baby, its all cover up